just sTone

Last night I watched an episode of “Lie to Me”, and it’s about a psycho killer who is good at disguising himself as an intelligent and charming college boy. What makes Dr. Lightman see through him is a picture-guess game, when the boy looks at a picture with a man who is bound to a chair, badly hurt and there is blood everywhere, the expression on his face implicates that he is aroused by it. But when there is a beautiful blondy girl, the expression shows detestation.

Though I know the story is not real, the plot still makes me irritable. Every time I read the cases relate to sex crime, I feel aroused and guilty at the same time. Am I abnormal about this? I’m too shame to talk about this to anyone, even the people don’t know me.

I had dreamt about killing my classmate when I was in junior high. She was choked to death with my hand strangling, and I can still recall the perception of the change from live to death in a flash. Another weird dream happened recently is kinda horrible. I saw myself coming toward the bedroom, and an intense uncomfortable sense inside me just like another living creature and was dying for squeezing out of my body, and I became a monster and burst out creepily howling instantaneously.

Last night, I am really scared about who I essentially am.